50 Cents’ potty mouth pooch

I’m not hatin’ on 50 Cents’ dog Oprah when I say she needs to clean up her act. I’ve been following her on Twitter — let the record show that I had @Lucy2Lucia well before @OprahTheDog came into existence– and think she needs her potty mouth washed out with soap. She calls herself a lady but real ladies don’t use the kind of language she does. The things she writes are unprintable in this family blog so you’ll have to go to her Twitter page to read for yourself.

I will say I’m downright jealous of her following though. She joined Twitter a few days ago and already has well over 9,000 followers. She’s almost as popular as Oprah Winfrey. But that’s okay. I’ll get there one day. And in true ladylike Lucy fashion.

Add a comment September 25, 2010

Tweet this!

I got all excited today when I heard about Twitter for dogs. Supposedly a new product that allows canines like me to post updates to Twitter. But it was much ado about nothing. Puppy Tweets wants me to be like all of the other pooches out there — and that I will never be!

I admit, it’s a cute idea — a device on the dog above that promises this on its website:

Whenever your dog moves or barks, the Puppy Tweets™ tag detects it and sends a signal to your home computer. Your computer receives the data then sends a Tweet from a bucket of preselected Tweets to Twitter. Puppy Tweets™ recognizes level of movement, sound, time of day, and day of the week.

I’m a lap dog and the only time I run is in the morning when I rush down the stairs to empty my bladder. If I see a cat in the backyard then I’ll cause a ruckus and maybe chase it. But that’s not often. For the most part, I’m pretty lazy and don’t run around. So I guess all my Tweets will read the same since they’re pre-programmed to something like, “I barked because I missed you.”

Thanks but no thanks. I’ll stick to ruining my nails as I try to type 140 characters or less @Lucy2Lucia. Puppy Tweets is for the birds, or those dogs that lack imagination and typing skills.

Add a comment September 21, 2010

My weight loss secret

Bikini season is almost over, just as I’m finally getting into shape.

On Sept. 8 I weighed 6.75 pounds — down from an all-time high of 8.44 pounds on April 23. That’s almost 2 lbs.!!! I’m no mathematician but isn’t that about 25% of my body weight? Whoo-hoo. Let’s celebrate with a piece of filet mignon.

How did I do it? Not by exercising, that’s for sure as my owner still doesn’t walk me as much as she should. And I didn’t do the Zone Diet, drink only lemonade or eat only cabbage soup. And I didn’t pop any pills or have Lap Band surgery. No, I did it the right way. I changed my diet and went on Hill’s Prescription Diet r/d canned food. Now I’ve been on r/d before. I ate the dry stuff for a couple of years in New York and kept putting on weight, despite being walked a few times everyday. Finally, my mommy quit forcing me to eat it. I didn’t like it and only ate it when I was starving.

I tried a variety of dry foods for the last year, including Paul Newman’s Premium Organic and Dick Van Patten’s Natural Balance reduced calorie formula. So much for celebs. Nothing helped. I kept getting pudgier.  Exasperated, my mommy started telling people I was big-boned, not fat. Then she decided to go back to r/d dry. But thankfully for me the vet didn’t have any in stock when she left me to be boarded so she allowed them to give me wet food for the first time in my life. Boy, is it good! And it works.

So what if it costs a little bit more. My health is my priority, not my mommy’s wallet. And in the long run, I’m going to save her money because I’m no longer obese.  I’ve heard that 40-50% or dogs are overweight. The other day I saw my mother’s friend Shindana for the first time in a long time. She commented about how fat I am. It’s true, I can still stand to lose another pound. But if she had seen me a few months ago, I was a real porker. Now I’m almost ready for a bikini.

Add a comment September 19, 2010